Forgive my absence for I have not been in a blog-friendly mood the past two
weeks. This of course begs the question, “What does blog-friendly even mean?”
For me, it implies a lack of anything worthy of sharing as well as a resistance
to introspection of any kind. Was it not recently that I
shared the relative joy that accompanies the ’stability’ of disease
progression? It would seem the powers that be found this comfort to be
absolutely hilarious. As soon as I was finished singing the praises of
predictability, my MS has taken a downward turn. My ability to (awkwardly)
stand up from my wheelchair has taken a nosedive over the last two weeks. This
has left me in the unenviable position of ‘scooching’ from one chair to another
and getting even less movement and stretching from my comatose limbs than
usual.
Hence my reticence to share... I've thought
frequently about how much of my life outlook can be construed as ‘sugar coating’
and how much could be the whispers of actual positivity. I’ve felt a kinship
with the phrase “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at
all” and therefore oftentimes find myself saying...nothing. But I also realize
that this apathetic approach is getting me all kinds of nowhere at the moment so
today I made calls to both my old and soon to be new neurologist. I cannot
presently muster the words to rally myself any more than that, but a start is a
start. My experiences last year with getting on Medicaid and disability as well
as my successful move to accessible housing do imply that I’ve got the
wherewithal to undergo yet another huge life shift-I just don’t bloody want to.
